Abstract Thoughts

Now that we have everything ready for the baby in a physical sense, I am trying to prepare myself mentally. I am trying to wrap my head around the idea of being a mother. All of my mom friends tell me that your heart expands tenfold, that you have never felt love like you will for your child, that they fill a space that you never even knew was empty. I am trying to grasp those concepts but know deep down that I won't until I actually meet my son. The only thing that comes close for me is falling in love with Keith. I always knew he was out there. I knew that there was someone who would complement me; someone who would make everything worthwhile and bring a whole new joy to my life. I didn't know who he was or what he would look like, he was more of an abstraction in my mind, but he was always there (I know, it's soooo cliche!). Now that he is my husband I can't imagine him not being a part of my life and don't completely remember a time that he wasn't there. I imagine having a baby will be very similar to this feeling, only it will be a million times stronger. I am so excited to experience it and want to savor each and every moment.

I am also trying to mentally prepare for the experience of childbirth. I don't want to just stumble into it when it happens and fall apart because I am tense and in pain. These are 5 things that I am going to try to remember:
1) Trust- I need to trust and realize that I can't control many aspects of what is happening to me. I can't control how my body responds to labor...it may go quickly or it may last more than a day or end up a C-section. I can't control how the baby responds....he might be positioned perfectly or he might decide to turn at the last minute! I just need to trust- God, the doctors and nurses, Keith, and myself so that I can focus and know that I will make the best decisions about the things I can control.
2) Relax- One of the most important things I learned at childbirth class was to try to relax as much as possible. Surely it can't be easy when you are in great pain and experiencing something that you have never done before. But they say that if you are tense it leads to more pain which leads to more tension and it becomes a vicious cycle that can slow the whole process down! I will do the best I can to breathe and focus.
3) End Result- think of the end result which will motivate me to hang in there during the rough times!
4) Experience- I am so thankful to be able to have this experience. Some women who get pregnant very easily don't even realize how lucky they are to have the opportunity to experience such a miraculous thing. For a long time I thought I may never get a chance to feel a baby moving around inside me or know what it is like to give birth. If I can remember what a priveledge it is to have this experience even during the roughest times I know that will help me to get through it.
5) Temporary- The pain and discomfort of it all is a temporary thing and at some point will be over!
Wish us luck!

Update

I had a Dr's appointment today and not much to report. My blood pressure is right on, which is relieving since my swollen hands and "cankles" are now part of daily life. Very attractive! I always thought that all you had to do was drink more water and the swelling would go away. Not true! Other than that, I am right on schedule for where I am in the pregnancy. I am starting to dilate but am not quite at 1 cm and so far the baby is head down. I know that can all change rather quickly, but this is where we stand today!
It is one of our last weekends of "freedom". I am so excited for the fall, partly because the baby will be here and partly because it is my favorite season. We will be doing some entertaining on Sunday- an afternoon Broncos game with the Schallmosers and then dinner with my family in the evening. I am really looking forward to it because I feel great and want to do some hosting while I can still make that my sole focus. Saturday will be full of errands and household activities. Keith is steam cleaning the carpets as we speak (they do say that dads-to-be get that nesting instinct too~ and he is doing this purely out of his own will, not any prodding on my part) and I am going to tackle some fun projects like cleaning out/scrubbing the fridge and bathrooms.
I had a dream about the baby last week and it is actually the first one that I have had with the baby in it. I have had a lot of pregnancy dreams, but this is the first one that the baby has made an appearance in. We were leaving the hospital with him and just staring at him in admiration. I kept asking Keith if he could believe that our baby was finally here. He had a lot of brown hair! Then the nurse was telling me what a good patient I was! It was a very positive dream and I currently don't really have any anxiety about childbirth. My only source of anxiety right now is that the baby is completely healthy. And I know that motherly worrying will only continue until he is a grown man!

Rainy Day Fun

"Tiny miracle, with your little baby heart beating............everybody loves you, and we don't even know who you are."

I don't really know who came up with that quote-

it was on one of the cards that I received for a shower gift, but I really love it. There is so little that we know about this baby so far, but one thing that I know for sure is how much he is loved already!

Last Sunday was our family shower thrown by my Mom, Donna and sister-in-law, Teri. Unfortunately, these are the only 3 photos that I have on my camera to share. All of the other ones are on my Mom's camera and sadly I don't have the right equipment to download those from my computer. Otherwise there would be one of Teri too, that cute and multi-talented little redhead!

Anyway, the shower was beautiful. There was no detail overlooked, and everything from the food to the flowers was perfect. The best part about it was the company. We don't have a lot of extended family, so many of the guests were close family friends- women who have known me since I was a little girl. Also present were some of my closest girlfriends from junior high to college, and my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jack from South Bend who drove 5 hours in the rain (normally a 2 hour trip) to be here. It was a whirlwind of chatting and catching up and for me, a joyful time of celebration. The cake that you see was made by "Mrs. Anderson" (I don't even know her first name). She has made cakes for me since the age of 12 for birthdays, graduations and all celebrations in between. Teri made sugar cookie favors of teddy bears with icing diapers along with a couple of other baked goodies and they were to die for!

We received absolutely everything we need for this baby! Strollers, swings, bouncy chairs, high chairs, play gyms....you name it, we are ready! My Mom crocheted a beautiful hooded blanket lined with the cutest fabric inside. It is so special and I will include a photo of it in a future blog. I don't know when she had time to do it, but I know it was a labor of love!

A good time was had by all. It was a very rainy day thanks to the aftermath of hurricane Ike that we finally got, but still a great day. Keith was there in the beginning to say hello but had to leave to catch a flight to Denver- his last trip until the baby arrives. "The next time I go to Denver I will be a Dad!" he said before he left. This is truly such a time of wonderful anticipation and we are trying to balance it with living in the now- enjoying our lives as a twosome as much as we can until 2 turns to 3!

Room with a View

Yesterday Keith and I received a very special gift! It is a custom piece of artwork commissioned especially for Baby Brown! It is from Megan and Tony, and Tony's sister Heather. Heather is the artist; you can see how talented and creative she is. (Check her out at http://www.gentiledesigns.com/) I have admired her work for many years and now we have this very special piece in the nursery. It matches perfectly and we will hang it above the crib. Baby Brown is a very lucky boy. Thank you, Gentile/Collins clan!

Speaking of Megan, a lot of you are asking how she is doing. While she does still have a long road ahead, she is doing pretty well overall. This last week she had the week off from treatments and she will begin again next week with chemo. The doctors say she is cancer free right now, but they want to do another round to make sure there is no cancer in her brain, which Megan said is common with leukemia. So I am sure she is in for a long week...once again, please keep her in your prayers. She is so brave!

A Wonderful Time

Here are some photos from my work shower last weekend. My girlfriends Darcie and Chris threw it for me and it was so much fun. I am so lucky to work with such great people. At Crate&Barrel we always like an excuse to throw a party...we like to eat, drink and be merry!


I also had a Crate&Barrel shower back in Denver thrown by some of my old co-workers, and more importantly friends, Kathleen and Sharon. We have one more shower this weekend for family and friends. My Mom is hosting and I am sure she will outdo herself once again!!!!!

Keith came towards the end of the shower to say hi and open some gifts. Everyone thought he was quite funny and charming, of course!

.....and a current photo of my growing waistline!

The Nursery

Finally, here are photos of the almost completed nursery. We cannot wait to see our baby sleeping peacefully in his crib, and to use the glider for feedings, rocking and reading.

Keith did such a great job with the room. Of course I helped with some things, but he chose the paint color, bedding, wainscoting, etc. I am encouraging him to work at Crate&Barrel as a designer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A man of many talents.....

Let's hope our boy loves dogs as much as we do! I have a feeling he and Charlie will be partners in crime causing all kinds of mischief for Mom and Dad! Scout will be a great watch dog, protecting the baby by barking at each passing car and person walking down the street!

Who, me????!!

A Revelation

Today I was meeting with my co-worker Chris who will be covering my maternity leave. We were going over the calendar for October/November/December and the finer points of what will be happening while I am away. As I was counting 12 weeks from my due date, that put us at January 5th as my return date. Really, when you think about retail jobs, I will be away during the best 3 months...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. My co-workers tease me that I planned to have a baby in October just so I could be gone for the Christmas season! While that is definitely not true (after all we went through...we would have been happy with a baby born at ANY time of year!), it really will be nice to be "home for the holidays" with the baby. It is sure to be unlike any holiday season we have ever had! And ironically, I will probably be twice as tired as I have ever been working a Crate&Barrel holiday season!

Then I had a revelation. What if the baby comes early?! A week or 2 early puts me back at work right around Christmas week!!!! Can you imagine a worse time to return to your retail job and adjust to juggling family and career? I cannot be early!!! Later would be fine! My mom keeps telling me that you don't really have to worry about being early with your first, but I am not ruling it out. This baby has to stay put for as long as possible! If only we got to pick the date...

But I guess if I have learned anything during this entire process, it is that things happen in their due time. There is so much in life that you cannot control and are not meant to control. (Keith would argue that there is plenty that I control!) Everything unfolds exactly the way it is supposed to which is so hard for most people to trust. I firmly believe that now! So, I guess if I have to go back to work the week of Christmas then that it what I must accept. But don't think that I am not going to at least try to convince the baby into staying in as long as he can! Is it too early to start bribing little James Brown??????

My Boy's First CU Win, Technically...

It's the end of the labor day weekend and I was able to watch the Buffs from the University of Colorado take it to our home town rivals, the CSU Rams. It was particularly enjoyable because with me was my son. Well, he could hear me rout for the buffs, who looked pretty darn good I might say. Amy and I went over to Joe's house and we were able to see the game and enjoy the evening. Watching the CU game was great, not only because it's football time again, but also because I will be able to watch the games this fall with my son, for real. I doubt he'll love it when I throw the baby bottle at the screen or kick the diaper pale in disgust, but he'll understand eventually.

The thought of holding my boy while watching the black and gold go up and down the field, hopefully not chasing the opposing team, is quite a thought. Brings a sense of accomplishment or a renewed sense of pride, in that the Brown legacy is being continued and hopefully, but not mandatory, my love for CU and Colorado football will be shared with my son.

We finished the nursery and we are waiting on a few more touch ups to show the room on our blog. I got a great gift from Amy's former co-worker in Park Meadows. Kris is a die hard buff fan and she got my son some great T shirts, as well as the coolest kid's book called "Hello Ralphie". Here's me reading it in the nursery. I love this book. It has the real names of the buildings on campus like Norlin Library and Ole Main. Amy's friend Kurt is sending his daughter to CU this fall and he said the tuition for in state is now about $75,000 for a five year education. I can only imagine what out of state costs are, but I had better start saving now. Either that or we move back to Denver or give them my parents address. Ummm, just thought of that. Nah.

Amy's past 33 weeks now and we have the baby shower coming up on September 15th and basically that will be it. We are going to try to de clutter the house with Gary and Donna's garage sale on September 19th and 20th. Other than that, and watching the Ryder Cup and CU and Bronco Football, my fall is pretty much laid out. She is starting to pack the overnight bag for when the kid comes. If he's like me, it will be at the most inappropriate time. I am hoping it's not on a Saturday or Sunday when football is on. Kidding.... They have TVs in the birthing rooms!! How great would it be to have our son delivered right when CU scores a touchdown:) Wow, I hope no one reading this is taking me seriously, but actually I can see several people shaking their heads and thinking "Yep, that sounds about right".