Sleeping Beauty

I know that documenting Ryan's sleep schedule isn't really that exciting, but I just had to write about this because I am still in shock! So...yesterday I was thinking that Ryan was coming down with something, which now I know that he is not. He seems fine, his temp is fine, he does seem to have some "bats in the cave"- more than usual, but it really doesn't seem to be bothering him. Yesterday he took that long nap...it ended up being 3 hours and 15 minutes long. Then he took a 45 minute nap. An hour later he was rubbing his eyes and scratching his head (his new tired signal...and I mean, he SCRATCHES his head, causing tiny little cuts on his forehead that make him look a little neglected- even though we cut his nails all the time). So I put him back down at 4:45pm hoping for another 45 minute nap. Around 6:00pm I opened his door, turned the hall light on, turned off his rushing water white noise and waited for him to wake. He stirred, but kept falling back asleep. I didn't have the heart to wake him up, it just seemed so cruel. I just wanted to get one more bottle in him since he hadn't eaten since 3:00pm (not to mention put his pajamas on and change his diaper!). He never woke and we didn't push it. We went to bed and I woke up every hour or so, looking at the clock each time and each time was amazed at how late it was getting. Midnight, 2 am, 4am! 5am!!!!!!! Still out. He eventually woke up around 5:15 happy as can be and soaking wet from his diaper!!! I gave him a bottle and he went back down for another hour. I just can't believe that he can sleep that long and I guess there is no harm in him going to bed that early, but it just seems SO early and it would be nice for him to sleep in his pj's and on a full tummy! And it is not like he isn't sleeping during the day! So today we are trying to time his naps so that he can take his last nap earlier and be awake for the nice bed time routine that we have started. We will see- he just woke up from his second nap, another 45 minute one, and he looks awfully ready to go back down again....

Already?

So, I know they say that babies who go to day care get sick more often than those who don't. I expected Ry to get his first cold at some point, but I didn't expect it to happen after his first couple of full days there! I might be jumping the gun, he is not really showing any major signs quite yet, but this morning I noticed that he had a little bit of congestion in his nose. About 30 minutes after he woke this morning (he slept until 8!) he became Captain Fussy and could not be soothed. His temperature is 99.9, which is getting close to the 100.4 temp when you are supposed to call the doctor. I took it again a second later and it was 100.1 (I think our thermometer is suspect though...it gives a reading after about 3 seconds...shouldn't it take a little longer??) I gave him his bottle at 9am and he went down for his nap at 9:30. It is noon and he is still out! So I think he might be fighting something. Let's hope this monster nap does him some good....

A Better Day

So, as a follow up to last night....Ryan woke up at 9:45pm for a bottle and wanted to go back down right after! So down he went! I was happy to at least have a little time with him for that. He then slept until 5:15 this morning! He had his bottle around 6, then went down again from 6:30 to 7:30! He does love his sleep.
He went to day care today (which I think I am going to start calling "school"...a lot of my friends do that because it sounds better than "day care"! besides, he really is learning a lot there....). Anyway, Keith went to visit him at lunch today since it is just a mile away from home. Ry was napping and managed to take a 1 hr 45 minute nap in addition to his other 45 minute one. I am so relieved that he is sleeping well there. His "teachers" Chris and Laura say that he a very happy and well mannered baby when he is there. I was joking that they probably say that to every parent and my friends have assured me that they do not...if your baby cries or fusses a lot, they let you know! So of course I am also relieved to hear that he is adjusting to his new environment. I am sure that every day is not going to be sunshine and roses, but we are off to a good start.
After school he was tired so he took a 45 minute nap in my arms which I loved. We both got to relax after a long day! Then we played for a bit, listened to music, read, and wound down for the evening. He went down at 6:30 which is becoming his usual bed time. Hopefully he won't get too crazy with his swaddle tonight and will be able to sleep peacefully with minimal interventions!

Wah!

I am sad tonight because Ryan went down for a nap today at 4:45pm and is still asleep at 8:00pm! He has done this before; his body clock must be telling him that it is time to go down for the night. He will surely wake up before midnight for a bottle since he hasn't eaten since 3:00 this afternoon. I am whiney because I spent zero time with him today! I did change his diaper this morning before work, but then had to hand him over to Keith to feed him since I had to leave. Wah! I am so sad that we had no quality time together today. Every day I race home from work in an effort to get my hour or two with him in. Keith keeps joking that with such an early bedtime, I will get plenty of time with him in the middle of the night tonight! We shall see. But right now I do feel a sort of emptiness, like something major is missing from my day. It just doesn't seem right! He must really need the sleep...growth spurt??

Transitions

Ryan had another discovery day today at Chesterbrook. I took the day off of work so that I could go in with him and meet his "teachers" and spend a little time there with him. I am so glad that I did. I have been freaking out about daycare for the past couple of weeks. All along I thought I was okay with it but recently I have been panicking. I kept thinking that we made the wrong decision, why didn't we look for someone to come over to watch Ry instead of taking him to a day care. I was completely stressed and ready to pull a 180 and change the course of things completely.

Well, I am so glad that I had today to go in and check things out. I had certainly been to Chesterbrook before, a couple of times, and had even brought Ryan there before when he was less than 8 weeks old. Daycare still seemed so far away. I had met the principal and had much correspondence with her even before Ryan was born. But as the time got closer to him having to go there twice a week, well I started looking at it so differently.

I am always amazed at how mellow the infant room is. There are 7 babies there and you would think it would just be mayhem. But the teachers have everything so under control. And you wonder how any of the babies get any sleep, but they do! There were 3 babies in their cribs sleeping soundly. Ryan even slept today in his crib! There was certainly no power napping going on, but last week at his first discovery day he did not sleep at all. Today he took 2 naps, one 45 minute and one 30 minute. When we first got there I stayed for a while to play with Ry as he took in his surroundings. I put him on his tummy on the boppy pillow and he was completely content on it, using his core to lift himself up as he was mesmorized by all of the other babies playing. The teachers were all remarking how strong he was and good on his tummy. He was so distracted by the other kids that he didn't even realize he was on his tummy!! It was very satisfying to see him taking it all in and I really like that he is able to see something other than the 4 walls of our house a couple of days per week. I was there long enough to see a lot of parents picking up and dropping off their children of all different ages, a lot of siblings, and a sense of community where everyone seems to know eachother. The very best thing about today was that when I went to pick him up he was so happy to see me! He was all smiles which reassured me that he wasn't holding a grudge for "abandoning" him for a few hours (as though he would be capable...).

The teachers seem patient and attentive and I look forward to getting to know them better. For them it is all routine and they make it look so easy. I am sure they have their moments when every baby needs something, but each time I have been there every baby seems content. I really like the principal as well, and her 6 month old daughter is also in the infant program which I LOVE. If her daughter is there I know she is keeping close tabs on it! We are still making great efforts to keep Ryan from lying flat on the back of his head and I certainly hope they will do the same. That, in addition to all of the daycare germs are the things that I still worry about. But overall I am comfortable with our childcare decision. And nothing is permanent. If it ends up not working out for some reason in the long run, we have other options. Time will tell, but for now I can find something else to lose sleep over (there WILL be something....)

Mommy's Big Boy

On a quest to look for fun things that would help us keep Ryan off of his head, Keith picked up this "Bumbo" chair. I thought that Ryan was way too young for it, but the box said 3-6 months so we gave it a shot. To my amazement, little Ry was able to sit up in it and actually hold himself up! It is too cute! After about 5 minutes he gets pretty tired and starts hunching, but what a big boy sitting in his own little seat! He really seemed to enjoy the independence and I think he even surprised himself!

Tummy time is coming along. He can do about 5 minutes flat on his tummy and almost 15 minutes propped on his small boppy. That might not seem like that long, but for someone who used to fuss immediately when placed on his tummy, it is an eternity! He is getting stronger every day!

Down for the count

Today I am stuck in bed with the flu. I feel like crap and definitely haven't been this sick in several years. Usually I have a rock solid immune system. The worst I will ever get is a cold. But this flu has really taken me down! I guess the combination of going back to work along with recently having a baby has taken it's toll on my immune system. Right before I went back to work Keith told me to get a flu shot since I would be exposed to the general public and many more germs. I said I would but never did. I just kept thinking about how I never get sick, so why did I need it. Who knows if it would have made a difference, but now I wish I had gotten it just in case.

The worst part is that I can't go near Ryan! It is killing me. I was holding him last night when I thought I was just getting a cold. I pulled the scarf I was wearing over my mouth and nose to avoid getting him sick and used a ton of Purell on my hands. Today I don't want to go anywhere near him, because the thought of him feeling as bad as I do breaks my heart. I am in quarantine in our bedroom while Ry and Keith are going about a normal day. I can hear them and I want to run out and play! I heard Ryan crying and I wanted to rush out to see why. I already feel like I don't get enough time with him so this is very hard. Hopefully I will start feeling better soon and we can have a relatively normal weekend.

Right now Ryan and Keith are at "discovery days" at Chesterbrook (our daycare). It is Ryan's first time there, and Keith is staying with him for a couple of hours while Ryan takes in the sights and sounds of the infant room. This will hopefully help with the transition once he starts going there for full days. He has two more discovery days next week which will be half days, and without either one of us there. I hope he transitions easily and enjoys the interaction with other people.

Oh and P.S....

I know that some of you have had trouble leaving comments on the blog. We had inadvertently blocked everyone who didn't have a blog set up through this blogger site. It should work now, so comment away if you wish!

Getting stronger

Ryan has been getting a ton of tummy time lately! We took him to the doctor on Monday because we noticed that he was getting a small but noticeable flat spot on the back of his head. The combination of him being such an awesome sleeper and our lack of committment to tummy time is what contributed to it. I know that babies with extremely flat heads have to wear a helmet 23 hours a day for 8-12 months and we really wanted to nip this in the bud to avoid that. Dr. Murphy said it was nothing to worry about but we do need to be more diligent about tummy time and doing other activities where Ry will not be flat on his back, except for sleeping of course. Even the swing and bouncy chair need to be limited to 20 minutes at a time, only once or twice a day. Now that Keith is home with Ryan he is getting quite creative! Ryan has gotten so much better about tummy time, and loves to be propped over his boppy like in this photo. Okay, "loves" is a stretch, but he doesn't mind it and will happily look in the mirror or at a toy in front of him for longer stretches every day. Keith has also been propping him in a sitting position and I can tell already that his core is getting much stronger. I am glad that we noticed the flat spot because it is forcing us to do what we should have been doing in the first place.

Last weekend was Ryan's baptism and a visit from Grandma and Grandpa Brown. Here are some photos of them hanging out with Ryan. Grandma couldn't get enough of him and was so delighted to see how much weight he had gained. Ryan seemed to know that she was his Grandma~ you could tell he was very comfortable in her arms and gave her smiles right away. I'm sure that felt good since she doesn't get to see him very often! He will always be happy to see his Grandma and Grandpa Brown from Colorado because they love him so much and especially love to spoil him!!

The baptism could have gone much better! Ryan looked like an absolute doll...and of course I didn't think to take any good photos of him beforehand. All I have is this one of him in the carseat (he didn't wear that hat for more than a minute. I thought it looked kind of cute but a little pilgrim-ish???). Ryan was an angel throughout mass and fell asleep at the end. The plan was to give him a bottle between mass and the baptism, but he seemed so happy and content that it kind of slipped my mind as I was socializing with everyone. The baptism started and there were 3 other babies in addition to Ry. A few minutes into it he started fidgeting and fussing, so I offered to take him from his Godmother, Teri. (By the way, I am not the kind of person to instantly grab my baby from someone when he makes the slightest fuss, but I also know that most people don't want to hold your crying baby and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable). Then came the all out cry. Time for a bottle!! I stepped to the side and gave him his bottle. All the while I was thinking about what a stupid mistake that was. I knew he would be hungry and I know how he gets when his bottle is overdue! I was really embarrassed, not that Ryan was hungry or crying but that I didn't remember to feed the poor child! I was imagining all of the other mothers thinking, "why didn't she just feed him beforehand????" and I felt like such an amateur (which I am!!). But what's almost worse is that even after the bottle and his LOUD burp, both of which happened during this religious ceremony, he still cried and fussed! I could not soothe him! I could then imagine all of the other mothers thinking, "she can't even calm her own baby!!" and feelings of inadequacy mounted! Granted, I wasn't on my A game anymore~ I was exasperated~and I'm sure that played into it. My mom reassured me by telling me that the only thing the other mothers were thinking is that they were glad that THEIR babies weren't crying! Ryan basically cried for the rest of the ceremony. He did okay when he was up at the baptismal fountain but proceeded to cry again afterwards. Now I know I am a good mom and I love my son very much. If I fall short of anything it certainly isn't for lack of trying! I know that I am not perfect but I also know that I can soothe my baby. It was just an off time, and not for Ryan but for me! I will surely not make those mistakes again! Well, anyway, as a result we did not get many good photos to share.

At the next "dress up" event, I am going to take photos beforehand! When we got home from church Ryan went straight down for a nap and slept through most of his party. We both could have really used a nap!

Here's the video of Ryan laughing out loud. Great stuff!!

Mr. Mom

I am back at work and it is going surprisingly well. It is good to be back at a familiar place doing something that I enjoy. One of my coworkers blew up some photos of Ryan and hung them above my desk. I love to go into the office and see them there. It makes me so happy and puts things into perspective as I go about my day. It is a busy time at the store but I am able to work reasonable hours because I have the support for the time being. I don't know how long that will last but I am going to enjoy it for now!!

Keith is Mr. Mom right now and it gives me such peace of mind to know that my boys are at home together. Since Keith works from home, he was around enough when I was on leave to see what the daytime routine is and he is continuing it beautifully. I can tell they are having such fun during the day because Keith is documenting it with photos and videos. He captured a video today that is hilarious. Ryan is laughing out loud (way loud), just cracking up at Daddy talking to him. Although it breaks my heart just a little that I wasn't there for the giggle fest, it makes me happy to know that Ryan is in the best hands. Day care will be an adjustment for all of us when the time comes, but I am sure we will find our peace with it.

From the second I get home to the second Ryan goes to bed I am with him. It's only a couple of hours if that, so I have to make each minute count. For the past 2 days, he has been ready for a cat nap when I've returned home, so we go into his room and I hold him for a 45 minute nap. We sit on the glider in the dark and it is a great way for me to unwind from work while we are both relaxing. Normally I would not hold him for a nap like that, but since it is my only time with him during the day, it is a luxury for both of us! And a real treat last night was that Ryan slept through the night! 12 hours, awake only twice for reswaddling but right back to sleep and no feeding! Only time will tell if it was a fluke or not!

I am off Friday-Sunday and I am looking forward to some quality time with my baby! Grandma and Grandpa Brown will be in this weekend for Ryan's baptism so it will be a full but fun three days. He has the cutest little white christening outfit so there is sure to be photos in the near future!

Reckoning

Well, tomorrow is D-Day. The bubble that we have been living in is about to pop. I think I am as ready as I can be to go back to work. More than anything, I am already getting nostalgic about the first 3 months of Ryan's life. It flew by! And as much as we have a ton to look forward to as Ryan learns and grows, I will never get those first 3 months back. They were the best of times and the worst of times filled with highs and lows.

First of all, I am still sometimes in awe that I carried a baby for 9 months and gave birth. I am so grateful for the experience and feel so lucky to have had a healthy little boy. Coming home from the hospital and the newness of everything was quite an adjustment. We were clueless! And tired! We wanted the nurses from the hospital there with us 24/7 telling us what to do. Sleep deprivation can challenge even the strongest of relationships. The first month was hard, I won't try to sugar coat it. There is nothing that can prepare you for parenthood...nothing. But along with the challenges of it all there was also great joy. Staring at Ryan for hours as he slept was true contentment. Getting to know him and his little personality, wondering what the future might hold for him, being there for him at every cry or whimper...that is what I love about being a mom.

As time goes on, things continue to get easier. Ryan is good natured and a champion of sleep. There are always challenges, but as we get to know him we are better able to provide him with what he needs. The biggest lightbulb moment for me was discovering his tired- and overtired cues. For the longest time we wondered why Ry would get so agitated and fussy every couple of hours. We chalked it up to gas, especially since he had all of those digestive issues at 4 weeks. As I was reading up on infant sleep I realized he was just plain tired!!! We had to soothe him out of that cranky state and into la la land. And now I am a self proclaimed sleep nazi. I will take that title any day if it means long naps and a baby that sleeps 10 hour stretches at night! Once Keith and I started getting better sleep everything seemed much rosier.

Seeing Ryan smile (legitimately) for the first time was pure glee! My all time favorite time of day is when I go to his crib in the morning and he is all smiles. The ones where he opens his mouth, smiles and coos because he is so happy to see you. He also really likes to be on his changing table. Not necessarily being changed, but laying on the table interacting with us. He smiles and babbles, and when there is music on, will sing with us. Those are the moments that I live for! Watching him play, shake his rattle, stare at a block on his play gym, knowing that he is taking it all in and figuring things out...fills me up like nothing else can. And kissing those chubby cheeks, well I could do that all day. I want to continue giving him his nighttime bottle even though Keith has offered to do it as I go back to work. I love that time together. It is so peaceful and it is time that we will never get back once it is gone.

I feel ready to go back to work because I love routine. I am ready to see my friends at work and get back to my job, even though my priorities are much different now. I have to get ready to let go a little...Ryan may not always eat when I would feed him, or sleep when I would have put him down for a nap. It won't be easy to relinquish the control but it will be good for me~ and for him. We can't live in a bubble forever! I can only hope that this will make Ryan a more flexible and well adjusted child.

I will forever look back at this time off with nostalgia. To date, becoming a parent has been the most difficult yet rewarding job I have ever had. My relationship with Keith has grown by leaps and bounds and I wouldn't want to share this journey with anyone else on the planet. He is an amazing father! So I know with this next transition I will be okay. I have my boys, we are a family, and we will all be okay. The journey continues....

Happy New Year!

Well, it's noon on New Year's Day and Keith and I have already rid the house of anything holiday! Usually I am so reluctant to take the Christmas decorations down and like to keep the tree up as long as possible, but this year I am excited to start out the new year clean and fresh. Since I start back at work on Monday (yikes!!) I want the house to be in order so that I will feel ready to embark on this next transition.

Last night we went over to our next door neighbor's to ring in the new year. They have a darling little 2 year old girl, Reese, who was celebrating her birthday and we had a lot of fun. We brought Ryan's bassinet and put him down around 7:00. He still fits in that bassinet and really loves it; I think he feels so nice and cozy when he is in it. We didn't hear from him until 12:30 (we surprised even ourselves for staying up and OUT that late!). He was fussing in his sleep b/c he had broken out of his swaddle. I re-swaddled him and he stayed asleep but we thought he would need his bottle soon so we walked home and waited for him to wake. Good thing we just decided to go to bed b/c he did not wake up until 4am!!! Keith was an angel and got up with him to feed him....we were both hurting a little from a few new year's drinks (the beauty of celebrating next door!). Ry went back to bed after that and stayed down until 7:30. What a nice new year's gift for us! :) He really does seem to like his sleep and I am trying to enjoy this while it lasts because I know that he is still not old enough to fall into any kind of pattern.

So...back to work in less than a week. The good news is that Keith will be home with Ryan for the next 3 weeks. And while I still have some details to work out, I am able to go down to 4 days per week so I will still be able to be home with Ry one day during the week too. My mom will watch him one day, which leaves him in day care 3 days per week max which I feel okay about. Ideally, it would only be 2 days and I am trying to work that out. I have a lot of feelings attached to going back to work and putting our boy in day care, some positive and some negative, but the show must go on. The rational part of me knows that going back to work is the right thing to do. That doesn't mean that it will be easy and I know there will be some stumbling blocks along the way. But such is life! The most important thing to me right now is working out my schedule to fit what is best for Ryan.